If you're a mum struggling with anxiety and overwhelm, you might be fighting an invisible battle that nobody talks about: trying to be the calm, regulated parent you never had while simultaneously healing the child you once were.
It's bloody exhausting.
And if you're reading this thinking "yes, that's EXACTLY how I feel," then this post is for you.
What Nobody Tells You About Reparenting as a Mother
Here's something that might sound familiar:
You're trying so hard to validate your toddler's big feelings, to stay calm when they're melting down about the wrong coloured cup, to be the regulated nervous system in the room that helps them feel safe.
But inside? You're struggling. Because nobody taught YOU how to do this when you were little.
When Your Emotions Got Big as a Child
Think back to when you were a child and your emotions overwhelmed you.
What happened?
Maybe you were:
- Sent to your room alone to "calm down"
- Met with anger or frustration
- Told "it's not that bad, stop crying"
- Warned "I'll give you something to cry about"
- Expected to just get over it and move on
Instead of learning that emotions are just waves to ride (and that you're safe to feel them), you learned OTHER ways to cope.
And those coping strategies? They're probably still running in the background now that you're a mum.
The Coping Strategies That Worked Then But Don't Work Now
Squashing Everything Into a Box
You learned to detach from the physical sensations that tell you how you're feeling. If you can't FEEL the overwhelming emotions, you don't have to deal with them consciously, right?
This probably worked brilliantly when you were a child. It helped you get through difficult moments without falling apart.
But now? As a mum trying to be present and emotionally available? It means you're disconnected from your own needs and feelings until you hit complete overwhelm.
Being the 'Good Girl'
You learned to never provoke an adult's anger or displeasure. That way, you didn't have to feel your own fear, anger, or anxiety in response.
People pleasing kept you safe as a child. It helped you avoid conflict and stay out of trouble.
But now? It's exhausting you as an adult. You're saying yes when you mean no, taking on too much, and feeling resentful because you can't seem to set boundaries without feeling guilty.
Dealing With Overwhelm On Your Own
You still got overwhelmed by big emotions when you were little... But you learned to do it by YOURSELF rather than going to an adult.
Because you knew, deep down, they probably weren't going to help you calm down anyway.
So you figured it out alone. At 5, 8, 11 years old.
And now? You're still doing everything alone, even when you desperately need support. Asking for help feels impossible because you learned that nobody was coming to help you anyway.
The Impossible Task of Motherhood: Reparenting While Parenting
Here's the thing that makes motherhood so uniquely challenging for deeply-feeling mums like you: This stuff is hard enough to unlearn as an adult WITHOUT children.
But with kids? You're not only feeling big emotions more often (hello, toddler tantrums, constant noise, relentless mess, and the never-ending demands)...
You're also expected to BE THE PARENT YOU NEVER HAD.
You're supposed to:
✅ Validate their feelings
✅ Reflect back what they're experiencing
✅ Be the calm nervous system in the room
✅ Help them feel safe enough to calm down
✅ Model healthy emotional regulation
All while YOUR inner child is still learning what safety feels like.
All while you're still figuring out how to regulate your own nervous system.
All while you're carrying the weight of your own unprocessed childhood experiences. It's an impossible task.
Why Reparenting Yourself Is So Triggering
One of the most powerful realisations that my clients often have is that they're trying to be the parent they never had while still carrying their own hurt inner child inside them.
When your toddler has a meltdown, it's not just their big emotions you're dealing with.
It's also:
- Your own dysregulation from childhood when nobody helped YOU calm down
- The critical voice in your head saying you should be handling this better
- The fear that you're going to mess up your children if you don't get this right
- The grief of realising what you DIDN'T get as a child
- The exhaustion of trying to be perfect because you're terrified of repeating patterns
No wonder you feel overwhelmed.
No wonder you're anxious.
No wonder you sometimes catch yourself mid-yell and think "Yikes, I sound just like my mum."
The Truth About Being a Cycle Breaker
I want you to know something:
I SEE how hard you're trying.
I see you trying to catch yourself before you react the way your parents did.
I see you apologising to your children for things your own parents never apologised for.
I see you Googling "how to regulate your nervous system" at 2am because you're determined to do things differently.
I see you reading parenting books, following therapists on Instagram, trying to understand attachment theory and nervous system regulation.
You're doing the work. And it's REALLY BLOODY DIFFICULT.
And I also want you to know: It's OK that you don't have the capacity to get it right all the time.
There has NEVER been a time when expectations of parents have been higher and the amount of support available has been less. You're being asked to do the impossible.
Why You Can't Just "Get Over" Your Childhood
Sometimes people wonder why they can't just move on from their childhood experiences.
"It wasn't that bad," you might tell yourself.
"Other people had it worse."
But here's what I know to be true from working with anxious and overwhelmed mums in my Formby counselling practice:
Your childhood coping strategies are stored in your nervous system.
They're not conscious choices you're making. They're automatic responses that your body learned to keep you safe.
And they get ACTIVATED when you're parenting little kids because:
- You're more stressed and depleted than you've ever been
- Your children's big emotions trigger your own unprocessed feelings
- The demands of motherhood don't allow you to use your old coping strategies (you can't retreat to your room when your toddler needs you)
- The expectations to be the "perfect mum" mirror the impossible standards you placed on yourself as a child
This is why you can't just think your way out of anxiety and overwhelm.
This is why all the breathing techniques in the world only go so far.
This is why you need more than just parenting tips. You need to heal the patterns at their root.
How Postnatal Counselling Can Help You Break Cycles
Reparenting yourself while parenting little kids is one of the bravest things you can do. But you don't have to white-knuckle your way through it.
In my work with deeply-feeling mums experiencing postnatal anxiety and overwhelm, therapy helps in these key ways:
Understanding Where Your Patterns Came From (Without Blame)
We explore your childhood experiences with curiosity and compassion, not judgment. You get to understand WHY you respond the way you do, which immediately reduces the shame and self-criticism.
This isn't about blaming your parents. It's about making sense of your patterns so you can choose different ones.
Learning to Regulate Your Nervous System
I teach you practical tools like breathwork, grounding techniques, and EFT tapping that help you return to calm when anxiety or overwhelm strike.
But more importantly, we work on creating a felt sense of safety in your body so that regulation becomes easier over time.
Developing Self Compassion As You Learn
The harsh, critical voice in your head that tells you you're failing? We turn down the volume on that.
We develop a kinder, gentler inner dialogue that supports you instead of beating you up.
This is reparenting work at its core: learning to give yourself what you didn't receive as a child.
Inner Child Healing Work
We connect with the parts of you that are still carrying childhood wounds. You get to give your younger self the care, validation, and safety she needed but didn't receive.
This work is transformative because it heals the patterns at their root, not just at the surface level.
Breaking Cycles For Your Children And Yourself
Here's what makes this work so powerful: Breaking cycles isn't just about your children. It's about YOU getting to heal, too.
When you do this work, you're not just becoming a better parent.
You're also:
- Reclaiming your sense of self beyond motherhood
- Learning what YOUR needs are (not just everyone else's)
- Developing the capacity to set boundaries without guilt
- Experiencing what it feels like to be kind to yourself
- Creating a life that feels sustainable instead of exhausting
The ripple effects of your healing extend far beyond your immediate family. You're literally changing your family's story both now and for future generations.
What It Looks Like to Get Started with Postnatal Therapy
I know that reaching out for help can feel overwhelming when you're already stretched so thin. That's why I offer a free 20 minute consultation call.
This gives you a chance to:
- Tell me what you're struggling with in your day-to-day life
- Ask any questions about how therapy works
- See if we might be a good fit to work together
- Take the first step without any pressure or commitment
In our work together, you'll have a judgment-free space where you can be completely honest about your experience. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Where you can say the things you can't say anywhere else. Where you can explore who you are now and what you want and need in life.
My clients tell me that having another calm, regulated body in the room gives them permission to finally process the difficult emotions they've been carrying alone for so long.
You Don't Have to Do This Alone
If you're feeling anxious and overwhelmed most of the time...
If you're struggling to enjoy being a mum because you're constantly worried you're getting it wrong...
If you're desperate to break the cycles you grew up with but don't know where to start...
I want you to know that support is available. You don't have to keep doing this alone. You don't have to keep pushing through until you hit complete burnout.
Reparenting yourself while parenting little kids is hard enough without trying to do it in isolation.
Therapy can give you the tools, support, and safe space you need to heal the patterns at their root so you can be the mum you want to be AND give yourself the care you deserved all along.
Ready to Get Started?
You can fill out the form on my website or book a free 20 minute call at the link below: