The theme for this year’s Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week is ‘your voice, your strength’ and I have mixed feelings about it.

The postnatal period is a super vulnerable time for most women. You birth yourself as a mother when you birth your baby. You’re figuring out how to integrate being a mum into your identity. Your body has changed. Your brain literally changes as a result of being a mum! You are navigating all of this new stuff and, these days, you are likely to be doing this with less support than ever. Is this a time that we are likely to have the spare energy sloshing around to advocate for ourselves and our mental health?

Yes, women’s voices are important. Yes, we should be listening to them and believing them when they tell us about their very real experiences of struggling. Yes, there are too many women who DO reach out for help and their struggles are minimised or they fall through the cracks in the system. BUT. My question is, why do we have a system where the only way less than super serious mental health struggles are picked up is when women fight tooth and nail to be heard?

Falling through the cracks

If your baby is under one and your mental health struggles are deemed to be ‘serious’ enough, it’s likely that the NHS will step in and the services available in those situations can actually be pretty great. But what about everyone else?

What about the mums who struggle on because they don’t feel like their struggles are ‘bad enough’ to bother the GP with but who are still struggling when their children are toddlers or even older?

What about the mums who do ask for help but what they are offered is a one-size-fits-all block of six 30 minute CBT sessions, which is frankly a sticking plaster?

What about the mums who do mention that they are struggling to their GP or health visitor but it isn’t logged properly and the referral is never made so they have to summon up the strength to ask again (and even again after that)?

My experience

I had an anxiety attack in the GP’s office when my baby was about four weeks old and no mental health support was offered. The tick box question of ‘how was my mental health’ wasn’t asked by my health visitor or at my 8 week postnatal GP appointment. There were so many missed opportunities to pick up that I wasn’t ok and I know that my story is not unusual.

It was only when my eldest child was about 18 months old that I felt able to go to my GP and asked for help (and I had to ask twice). I was offered the usual CBT, which gave me some useful tools but also opened up Pandora’s box of my mental health stuff and then left me with it. It was only when I summoned the strength to approach a private therapist that I actually got the help I needed and I had to pay for it myself.

What we actually need is systemic change

I acknowledge my privilege in being able to pay for my own therapy (with some family support) but I think about all those families for whom this is not an option. What happens to them? How do these ripples play out through the generations? How much money would our country save down the line on mental health treatment and other things if we prioritised looking after new parents at this vulnerable and formative time?

What we need is a system where exhausted, vulnerable new parents don’t need to be strong. What we need is a system where these people are nurtured and made a priority because they are literally moulding the brains and nervous systems of the next generation. A system where there is space to really listen to their voices the first time they mention that they’re struggling.

In the meantime

If you need support, the sad truth is that you WILL need to summon the strength to make your voice heard so that you get the support you need. Your GP will refer you if you ask them to (even if you do need to jump through the hoop of doing the six sessions of CBT before they offer other options). There are also amazing charities who support new parents if you seek them out e.g. PaNDAS (https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/).

Or you can take things into your own hands and contact someone in the private sector, like me. If you're struggling, I will take you seriously. I really value the courage it takes to reach out for support so I try to make the process of starting therapy as smooth and gentle as possible for my clients. If you'd like to make a start, get in touch. You can fill out the enquiry form on my website or email me: info@formbypostnatalcounselling.com