Are you constantly feeling like you're failing at this whole "regulated nervous system" thing? You've picked up the idea that a 'regulated nervous system' means you're calm 24/7, and now you feel like you're failing because you still lose your sh*t when your kid has a meltdown in the supermarket 🫠
If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. As a postnatal therapist working with overwhelmed, sensitive mums in Formby and online, I see this misconception all the time.
The Truth About Nervous System Regulation
Here's what no one tells you about nervous system regulation as a deeply-feeling mum…
It's NOT about being zen all the time!
Think about it - we wouldn't have survived as a species if our nervous systems didn't react to actual danger.
That fight/flight response when your toddler bolts towards the road? That's your system working PERFECTLY.
The problem isn't that you have these responses. It's that they might get triggered when there's no actual danger (hello, toddler refusing to put their shoes on for the 17th time!).
Embrace being like the ocean:
The goal isn't to be calm all the time - a regulated nervous system is actually a system that can shift between states when needed and return to baseline afterwards.
Like the sea, we're meant to have tides that come in and go out 🌊
The problems start when we get stuck in the storm and can't find our way back to shore.
Sensitive-Souled Mums and Overwhelm
If you're a Highly Sensitive Person (and yes, the capitals matter - it's a real thing affecting about 20% of the population), this regulation dance can feel even more challenging.
Being Highly Sensitive as a mum is like standing in a downpour with an umbrella that has holes in it. Everyone else seems to be staying relatively dry because unbeknownst to you their umbrellas are intact, while you're getting soaked by every sensory input - the noise, the mess, the constant touching, the emotional intensity of your children.
The worst bit? No one else can see the holes in your umbrella, so they wonder what you're complaining about. And you blame yourself for somehow getting wetter than they are.
There's nothing wrong with your nervous system; it's just that more of the sensory input gets through.
Postnatal Anxiety and Your Nervous System
For many of the mums I work with in postnatal therapy, anxiety and overwhelm aren't just occasional visitors - they've become unwelcome roommates.
This anxiety often manifests physically in your body:
- Racing heart
- Tight chest
- Shallow breathing
- Feeling buzzy or on edge
- Difficulty sleeping even when exhausted
- Constant scanning for threats
These physical sensations are your nervous system doing what it thinks will keep you safe. The problem is, it's detecting threats everywhere, even in situations that aren't actually dangerous (like listening to all the children shrieking at soft play).
A Different Approach to Regulation
What if instead of aiming for 'always calm' (not possible), you worked towards:
🌱 Recognising your early warning signs - what happens in your body when you're entering the amber zone?
🌱 Having tools to ground when needed - simple techniques that work specifically for YOUR nervous system
🌱 Paying attention to which state your nervous system is in and when, so you can move between states more easily
🌱 Understanding that moving between nervous system states is normal and healthy
How Postnatal Counselling Can Help
In my postnatal therapy sessions with mums experiencing overwhelm and anxiety, we focus on:
- Validating your experience - because lots of my clients feel like their friends & family just don't get it
- Identifying your unique nervous system patterns and triggers
- Building a personalized toolkit for regulation that works for YOUR body and life
- Healing any childhood wounds that might be amplifying your responses
- Learning to treat yourself with the same compassion you show others
The work isn't about becoming a different person who never gets triggered. It's about building your capacity to ride the waves and find your way back to shore when life gets stormy.
Taking the Next Step
Sound like a plan but wondering where to start?
This is exactly the sort of thing I help my clients with in therapy. Together we work out the root causes of their postnatal anxiety and anything that might accidentally be fuelling it so that it's so much easier to take the steps to feeling calm and present.
If you're ready to break free from overwhelm and experience a sense of peace as a mum (even in the midst of chaos!), head to the link below to book a free 20 min call or fill out the enquiry form on my website.
https://zcal.co/ruthrenouf
Remember - you don't have to be the perfect mum to be a great one. And you don't have to struggle alone with postnatal anxiety and overwhelm.