Like a lot of people who live near Southport (and beyond), I was knocked for six after the attack there at the end of July. How could this happen in our community? What sort of world do we live in if this can happen to children at a holiday camp?

I have taught postnatal preparation classes at the Hart Space. I was there a few of weeks ago talking to a pregnancy relaxation class about postnatal mental health. It is a lovely, welcoming space and I know the owner who has worked so hard to make it a community hub for pregnant women and, later, for their young families. How could something like this happen there?

In the days following the attack, I realised that I was in a trauma response and that I needed to practise what I preach to my clients. Self-care is something that counsellors and psychotherapists take really seriously; it is even specifically mentioned in our ethical codes of practice by our ethical bodies. I needed to put my own oxygen mask on first so that I could return to safely looking after others.

Here is what I did:

 I noticed where my thoughts were. 

I realised that I was having fatalistic thoughts about the sort of world that we're living in and that these were being fuelled by the media. I decided to have a break from social media and to really limit the amount of news I was reading or watching in other places. This helped me to get out of the negative thought patterns as I was providing my brain with less 'evidence' of the world being a terrible place.

I also noticed that I was having judgmental thoughts about how I was feeling. How much grief was I 'allowed' to feel? Why was my body initially in a trauma response when my family hadn't been directly affected by the attack? Why couldn't I snap out of it and feel the 'appropriate' level of sadness and concern for those directly involved?

Feelings and emotions are not right or wrong, they just are. Judging myself harshly for how I was feeling was adding another layer to my suffering as there was then a dose of guilt on top of what I was already experiencing. I moved into acceptance. I noticed what was coming up and tried to get curious about the sensations and feelings.

I talked to myself kindly, as I would to a friend or to a client who might be exploring their emotions. "Oh, hello anxiety. I see you there; there's an uncomfortable tightness in my solar plexus and a feeling of being on-edge. That's ok. It makes sense that that's there with everything that has been going on."

I used my somatic tools

When I needed to actively manage the anxious feelings and sensations, I opened my toolkit of grounding exercises that I use with clients. One of the simplest exercises that I returned to again and again was taking a deep in-breath and then making the sound 'vooooooo' as long and low as I could and focusing on that sound. I repeated this several times until I felt more grounded.

I leant into mindfulness

I made sure that I got out in nature as much as possible and that I had the alone time I needed to re-charge. This meant communicating with my husband about what was going on for me and asking for what I needed. While I was outside, I didn't take my headphones and made a really conscious effort to be present in nature. I tuned into the sounds, sights, smells and sensations available to me. This meant that I was not pulled into the negative thought vortex that was much stronger since the attack; I was actively strengthening the alternative neural pathways of choosing to stay in the present moment by coming back to it again and again.

I picked up my gratitude practice again

While lots of research has been done about the benefits of having a gratitude practice for your mental health, I noticed that I had let mine slide over the last few months. I spent some time every evening going over my day in my mind and picking out the things I was grateful for. Sometimes I wrote a list in my journal. As I picked up my practice again, I noticed that I was more aware of all the things I had to be grateful for as I went about my day and that it became easier and easier to write my list in the evening. I found that this was really helpful as a way of counterbalancing all the negativity in the news.

Final note

If you are struggling after the attack, the tools above might be a good place to start to process your feelings around what happened and to feel a bit more grounded. However, it is important to note that a lot of the tools I used are practices, so they will become more effective the more often you do them. Starting to use these tools by yourself when you are in crisis might feel a bit like trying to open your parachute when you are already in freefall and didn't practise when you were still on the ground.

If you need some support, on Facebook there are lists of counsellors in Southport who are offering sessions for people affected by the attack. My private practice will be opening in October; I offer online sessions and face-to-face sessions in Formby. Do get in touch if you would like to be added to the waiting list.

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